Tips for Parenting Highly Sensitive Children

Highly sensitive children can be a bit like turtles without shells. They absorb everything in their environment from sounds, and smells to the emotions of others. They are often cautious and tentative. Parentign a highly sensitive child is not without challenges. It is important to master the balance between providing that shell when necessary and stepping back so the child can learn to thrive in a world that does not quite fit their wiring.

Here is a condensed list of parenting strategies that will help you more effectively parent your highly sensitive child. You can find out if your child is highly sensitive by taking this quiz.

Give him down time. All children need “space” – time to unwind and process the events of their day. For highly sensitive children, this is a necessity. Even if your child resists, tell him that quiet time is like a clothesline for the mind- it airs it out. Model by taking a daily quiet time yourself.

Practice empathy. When you have a sensitive disposition, things hurt more, scare more and upset more than non-highly sensitive people. Brushing your child off when something is genuinely a struggle for him will build walls. Practice empathetic listening. Take a deep breath and keep your frustrations in check. Try to see the situation through your child’s eyes.

Don’t apologize for her “quirks.” Accept who she is. If your child hears you apologizing over and over again for her social faux pas, she will start to see her sensitivity as something that is wrong with her. Give her permission to be sensitive and help her embrace the benefits that come from being a highly sensitive individual (smells are more intense, art is more powerful, emotions are felt more deeply, etc).

Anticipate problem situations. Crossing your fingers and hoping that this birthday party won’t end in tears is not realistic. Talk to your child about potential triggers (i.e.: balloons popping). Problem solve together (carry earplugs). You can even try some role play. It is a little extra work up front, but it will pay off.

Practice gradual exposure. Slow exposure to the things that will challenge, but not break him, is the key. Encourage your child to try something new, even if for only a brief period of time. Frame it as a personal challenge rather than a punishment.

Provide coping strategies. Teach your child ways to self-soothe (like holding a stuffed animal, imagining a calm and quiet place, prayer, etc). Teach your child how to “talk himself down” from his triggers (“this is only temporary,” “I can handle this,” “I will be okay”). He needs to be able to manage when you are not around.

Get perspective. Sensitive children are a gift. The see the world in unique and powerful ways. They are often insightful and deep thinking. They will challenge you and help you grow. Your job is to help them to become the person God intended for them and to provide them a safe base from which to explore the world, explore their sensitivity and develop healthy coping strategies.

If you have a highly sensitive child, you are truly blessed. You will see the world with fresh eyes, you will gain deeper insights and you will develop a level of empathy for others you didn’t know you had.