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If you have seen the movie, March of the Penguins, you likely now know quite a bit about the life and hardships of these arctic birds. If we are willing, we can allow these little black and white creatures to give us some insight into the degree of trust we mothers have in our own husbands.
One of the most memorable scenes of the movie happened when the mother penguin laid her egg and then endeavored to pass the fragile egg over the frozen ground to her mate’s waiting warm feet. This transition was approached with great care, careful planning and detailed execution. Failure of the father to secure the egg under the warmth of his body would end in certain death for their little one. It was serious business. But once this trade-off happened, what transpired next shocks every human mother to her core: the mother penguin left. She left. She didn’t hang around, hovering over her mate’s shoulder chirping things like, “I think part of the egg is uncovered” or “I don’t think you should waddle quite so fast” or “Just give her to me, I’ll take care of her.” While this analogy breaks down to some degree when we realize that the mother is leaving to go get food or she will die, it does provide us with some framework for evaluating how much we trust our husbands. How willing are you to “pass off” your children to your husband and not look back?
Too often mothers complain to each another about the inadequacies of their husband’s parenting when in fact their deficits arise from a lack of trust of the mother. If you want your husband to be more successful, give him more practice not less. Things may not be done the way you would do them, but that does not mean that it was necessarily done wrong. After all, does it really matter in the big picture of life that your husband gave your toddler cheese sticks, cheese cubes and American cheese slices for lunch? The “damage” (if you can even call it that) done to your child for having an unbalanced lunch pales in comparison to the damage you will do to your spouse’s sense of competence and value when you point out his shortcomings. He is likely feeling like a fish out of the water anyway if you are normally the primary caregiver. There is no need to create a signboard or shout it over the loudspeaker that you think he didn’t measure up. And don’t forget the fact that your children are always watching. If you want your children to obey their father and to see him as a strong, capable authority figure in your home, then you need to treat him that way yourself. Proudly proclaim his success when you return and encourage the effort he put forth.
So the next time you leave your children in the hands of your husband, take a lesson from the penguins. Mutually communicate and carefully plan the details of the “hand off” (you can even non-judgmentally offer, “Can I do anything before I leave to make this easier for you?”) But once the transition happens, walk away. Go get your own sustenance. Trust your husband. If you do, you might just find that he is more than trustworthy in all the ways that truly matter.
Laura,
I really liked that documentary’s revelation that God wired an animal couple to share in providing for the “good” of all three.
I agree that building trust with your husband gives a strong security message to children who are always watching, evaluating, and storing relational information that is very formative. Thanks!