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Pocket Wireless, a new cell phone service, claims you can have it all – unlimited text, calls, and pix for just $30 a month. This commercial featured a mom who reported that her cell phone bills were outrageous and she engaged in monthly arguments with her children over the their usage and the resulting bill. But when she switched to Pocket Wireless, that all went away. Her children can now talk, text, and send pictures all they want. She saves money and there are no more monthly arguments about cell phone usage.
The premise of this commercial is troubling. It seems to send the message that it is better to avoid conflict, give your children what they want, so you can have a peaceful home. This is what can be called Parenting by the Path of Least Resistance. It is the easy way out. You avoid addressing issues head on because you esteem peace as the ultimate goal. This mentality is short sighted. You may gain temporary peace, but will reap long term turmoil. It is true: creating limits on our children will almost always result in resistance (or outright revolt in some circumstances) of some fashion. No one likes being told what to do. Show a toddler a line on the ground and tell him that he cannot cross it and what does he do? He puts his foot on it. It is human nature. Just because there is resistance does not mean that it is the wrong path to take. It is our job as parents to do what is right, not what is easier.
The path for parents will be full of resistance. If we are prepared that it will be rough, we will not be so set on avoiding it when it happens. Peace cannot be our ultimate goal for our family. Rather, we should focus on building character, teaching humility and providing an environment where love is manifested through limits.
Laura,
So true. Children know what whining and demanding can achieve. Limits communicated well bring much peace.