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By adopting a parenting style that is more pro-active than re-active, you will be preventing fires, not scrambling to put them out. This can be achieved if you have a solid infrastructure built into your family’s day.
Instead of responding to a myriad of requests, you will be making announcements. Instead of dealing with questions like, “Mom, can I watch TV now?” and then 5 minutes later, “Mom, can I watch TV now?” you will be able to say to your child, “It is TV time.”
We are not talking about a rigid schedule written on a white board somewhere in your kitchen. If you work better with such a tool, go ahead and use it. But parenting should be fluid, able to respond to the changes and demands of the environment.
As you are approaching a transition in your day (ie: after breakfast, after school, after work, etc), your mind should be thinking about the order of what is to come during this next phase of your day. You may be the type of person that naturally does that. If you do, great, you are half way there. But you need to make sure that order is clearly communicated to your children. If you don’t normally think ahead by more than two minutes, you may want to find some ways to remind yourself to “think forward.”
Here’s an example:
Let’s say you are on the way home from soccer practice with all the kids. You know that homework needs to get done, dinner needs to be made and the laundry has to be put in the dryer. Before you leave the car, make sure that each child knows what will be happening next and what you expect from them. Park the car, turn around in your seat, make eye contact with your children and say:
“You can throw the football with your brother for 10 minutes. Then I will call you both to come inside to put your things away. Then you will start your homework while I work on dinner. By doing this, you will help our evening run smoothly so that we can have time to play a game after dinner.”
This purposeful prescription aimed directly at your children can be very effective. Shouting your expectations at their backs as they run up the front walk will accomplish little but frustration for you.
As children are notorious for selective memories, they will likely need reminders along the way. Remember, your goal is to communicate to your children that you have things planned out and under control. Children thrive in environments where they feel things are predictable, safe and nurturing. Making this small step to add order to your family’s day can help do just that.
