A Summary

Perfect Soup is a colorfully illustrated book about a mouse named Murray.  It is the middle of winter and Murray is going to make his recipe for Perfect Soup.  He has everything he needs for his soup.  Or does he?  Oh no!  He needs a carrot.  He searches everywhere but cannot find one in his house.  Determined to make his soup “perfect” he trudges out in the snow in search of a carrot.  He goes to see the farmer and asks for one.  The farmer is happy to oblige but has a stack of wood that he needs moved so he can use it to build a barn. Murray can have the carrot if he moves the stack of wood.  Murray, being a clever mouse, asks a horse to help him transport the wood. The horse will help if Murray can get him some fancy jingle bells. The book continues in a “scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” fashion until Murray’s search ends in frustration and little hope for getting his carrot.

All throughout the story, a friendly snowman (who is conspicuously without a carrot nose) tries to get Murray’s attention.  But Murray is too fixated on getting his carrot to notice.  In the end, a discouraged Murray sits down in a snow bank convinced that he will never get his carrot to finish his “perfect soup.”  The snowman offers a solution, asking for nothing in return.  Murray is shocked and delighted at his generosity and quickly goes about fulfilling the wishes of the people he met in the story until at last, the farmer gives him his carrot.

The story ends with a picture of Murray and the snowman sitting down to a hot bowl of not-so-perfect soup:  the soup does not have a carrot, but the snowman’s face does.

Values Demonstrated

This children’s book is a delightful narrative about the value of friendship and the importance of perspective.  Christian parents can also use this wonderful story as a foray into the complex concept of grace: getting something for nothing.  Jesus, like the snowman, gives us something we did not earn and that we did not pay for (our salvation).  And like the snowman, Jesus often tries to get our attention, but we are too busy rushing about trying to solve our problems without Him.

Talk About It

Here are some wonderful reflection and discussion questions you can use during or at the end of reading this story with your children:

• What do you notice about the snowman?
• Why doesn’t Murray see the snowman?
• What did the snowman give Murray? What did he want in return?
• What is the difference between a free gift and one with “strings” attached?
• Are there any gifts that God has given you that are free?
• How did Murray show friendship to the snowman?
• How did the author show that love is better than perfection?
• Does Jesus want us to be loving or perfect?

What are some of your favorite children’s stories?

For a list of other value-based children’s books, click here.

1) Get prayer support.  First and foremost, my friend suggests that you ask anyone you can think of to pray for you.  For her family, the power of prayer was extremely evident during their transition.  They found that many of their prayers were graciously answered by their Heavenly Father – from big things to small things.

2) Point out God’s blessings when you see them.  Amidst the upheaval that a move overseas can bring, it is important to keep your family’s eyes focused heaven-ward.  My friend advises that parents make an effort to verbally recognize the blessings and answered prayers on a daily basis.  The climate, language and terrain might be different, but God is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow.  No matter where we are, He is with us.  What a lifeline of comfort for parents and children alike.

3) Be positive.  My friend and her husband made it a point from the first moment they learned of the move to not complain about the change in front of their children.  They spoke about the move as an exciting adventure with which God had blessed them.  They made sure to convey a tone of blessing and thanks that their kids could understand such as:  thankfulness for daddy getting a new job, excitement about being able to ride on trains and anticipation about being able to see pink dolphins.  Being mindful of Ephesians 1: 3-8 was helpful to them.  They knew that He had been planning this change a very long time – long before they ever knew about it.

3) Let the small stuff go.  When traveling and transitioning, it is important to remember that your children are under stress.  My friend advises that parents need to let some of the small things go.  They made a decision to allow their children to watch more T.V. and play more non-violent video games during their time of transition.  Getting oriented in a new country includes waiting in long lines, piles of paperwork and boring errands – tasks that are hard for adults to wade through.  Allowing the children this “luxury” enabled the transition to go much smoother. Once their life was a little more settled, they simply said, “Now it’s time to go back to our normal screen-time allotment.”  Because the extra allotment was only for a short time, it had not become a habit or routine and therefore was not difficult to reverse.

4) Keep what you can the same.  This type of transition includes many levels of change: geographical (the time change can be a shock to everyone’s system), cultural (such as a loss of familiar foods and an introduction to new smells, sights and sounds), and environmental.  Children, especially small children, thrive on consistency.  Keeping as many of your routines intact as possible will be very comforting to them.  You may be in a hotel room, but you can still read the same book, sing the same song and say the same prayers from their bedside as you did at home.

5) Take advantage of technology.  Technological advancements allow for maintaining connections with friends and family no matter how many miles separate you.  Email, Skype, and Facebook are all ways that you and your children can stay connected.  You can also use these mediums to share specific prayer requests with your prayer partners back home.

6) Develop roots.  Whether your move is temporary or permanent (or somewhere in between), finding  a community of believers is a great way to help your new residence feel like home.  No matter the language or culture, Jesus is the same all across the globe.  Being a member of the body of Christ has the benefit of being able to unify His people despite any differences.  Finding a church or a place of worship is a great first step toward finding new friends for you and your children and getting the support you will need during this time of transition.

Does my child need therapy?

This is where most people get hung-up.  We all want to know if what our child is displaying is “normal.”  We may observe other children or ask our friends for feedback.  Still, the answers may not be clear and we are reluctant to make that leap.  There are many factors that may prevent us from seeking therapy for our child such as:  previous negative experiences with therapy, feelings of failure as a parent, the stigma of therapy, wondering if it is really “that bad,” or simply not knowing where to find help.  Prayerfully consider these possible underlying barriers to treatment.  Exploring the root of the issue can help you see clearer to make the best decision for your family.

While there are no hard-and-fast criteria for seeking therapy, the following guidelines may help.  Consider seeking therapy for your child if he:

• Shows an abrupt change in mood or behavior.
• Has experienced a traumatic life event.
• Has been symptomatic for 6 months or more.
• Is demonstrating behaviors that severely impact your family’s day-to-day functioning in a negative way.

Your child may be experiencing some or all of these criteria.  You and your spouse are in the best position to determine if the severity of his reaction or behaviors warrants treatment.

Who will be the “patient”?

Many parents seek out counseling because they want the therapist to “fix” the child in the family who is most symptomatic. They have the idea that they will drop their child off at the therapist’s office and pick him up 50 minutes later, somewhat improved.  However, children do not live in a vacuum.  They are part of a family system.  Sometimes the child displaying the most symptoms is simply the manifestation of a broken family system.  This child becomes the identified patient when in fact the root problem is familial.  Therapists often find that there are underlying issues related to communication, methods of discipline or subconscious hostility.  Entering into therapy with your child rather than for him will create a supportive atmosphere that will allow the healing to begin regardless of origin of the hurt.

Will the therapist call child protective services?

Even parents who have nothing to fear, fear this.  Let me assure you that therapists are not looking to make reports to CPS.  That being said, they are mandated by law to report any verified or suspected abuse or neglect of a child.  To learn more about your specific state’s statutes as they pertain to the topic of child abuse and neglect, click here.

Are there any implications for his future?

This requires careful consideration.  Many insurance plans offer a mental health benefit.  You may be inclined to use it for your child’s treatment.  Keep in mind that in order for the insurance company to grant sessions for your child, the therapist will have to come up with a diagnosis.  This becomes part of your child’s permanent medical record.  You may feel that this is not a significant issue for you.  If it is, you may want to consider paying out of pocket for your mental health treatment.  If you do so, your therapist is under no obligation to submit any information to your insurance company at all.  Many therapists are willing to offer a sliding scale for clients who pay fee-for-service as it cuts down on a mountain of paperwork and out-of-session responsibilities (such as pre-authorization phone calls and requests for more sessions) required by insurance companies.

How do I pick a therapist?

This can be a difficult hurdle to overcome.  Once you have decided that your child (or family) would benefit from therapy, you need to begin the task of selecting a therapist that will mesh well with your family.  Finding a Christian therapist can be even more of a challenge.  Word of mouth is likely your best resource as you can hear specific feedback on individual therapists.  If you intend to use your insurance, you can request that they send you a list of paneled providers in your area.  Alternatively, you can conduct an internet search to find a therapist near you. Psychology Today is a website that offers a search tool that will help you find a therapist in your area.  Each therapist provides a brief synopsis of his or her work, helping you get a feel for her approach to counseling.

Furthermore, you need to consider your initial meeting with a new therapist as a “test drive.” You would never consider buying a car without testing it out first – therapy should not be any different.  Much of the success of treatment lies in the “goodness of fit” between the therapist and client.  If you can find someone with whom you feel comfortable and who seems competent to you, you will be much more likely to stick with treatment until its completion and therefore have a much more successful outcome.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) reports that one in eight children suffer from anxiety disorders.  And those are just the children who are diagnosed.  Many more suffer quietly, trapped in a world filled with worry and fueled by fear.  One of the best things you can do for your child who worries is to help him uncover the biblical antidote to worry.

Unlike some of the other things that we struggle with in this life, the Bible actually has a lot to say about worry and fear.  God in His wisdom knew this would be a struggle that many of His children would face.  The key to unlocking the shackles of worry lies in a very familiar passage on the subject:  Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  You probably even know this passage by heart.  The problem is that when something becomes that familiar, we can miss the truth that was right in front of us all along.

The Solution to Worry

Don’t Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin was a popular, feel-good song of the 80’s.  It may sound a bit like the passage above, but this song is not biblical.  Mr. McFerrin’s solution to worry is to “be happy.”  Just like that.  Stop worrying and be happy.  Piece of cake, right?  Hardly.  Good thing God is full of grace and mercy and that, unlike pop culture, His word is alive and helpful for teaching.  Let’s see what God wants to teach us about worry from His word.

First of all, God does not expect us to never experience anxiety.  If that were the case, He would not have included so many passages on the subject in His word.  We can assume then that the beginning of Philippians 4:6 is much more than a platitude of “don’t worry.”  I think it is much more helpful for us (and for our kids) if we think of it more in the terms of “don’t wallow in your worry.”

The word “but” in this Bible verse is the doorway to the solution to our anxiety.  We are instructed to not remain trapped in our worries; we are supposed to do something else instead.  What else are we supposed to do?  Three things are listed in the passage:

1. Pray.  At its very basic level, prayer is simply a conversation with God.  We are to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17).  It is as if you are having an on-going dialogue in your head with God.  With regard to worry, God wants us to talk openly with Him about our worries and our fears, as they happen.
2. Give thanks.  The second component of our solution to worry is to give thanks.  It is very difficult to continue to wallow in a state of worry and angst if you are mindful of all the things for which you can be thankful.  Making a mental or physical list is a great way to make the thanks come alive.  Turning every worry into a chance to praise Him is another great alternative.
3. Present your requests to God.  Finally, we can solve our worry problems by asking God for help.  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)  Asking God for help shows several things: we are submissive to a greater Person, we are dependent on Him for help and our heart is soft and receptive to His will.

Applying these Truths with Your Child

As stated above, children are not insulated from struggles with worry.  If you have an anxious child, consider the following steps.

1. Tell your child that he is not alone.  Use scripture to show him how often God references worry. He wouldn’t do that if your child were the only one who worried.  (This site has a list of verses that address the subject of worry that you can use to “prove” this point.)
2. Have your child look up and then copy Philippians 4:6.  Then ask him to underline all of the verbs in the passage.  What verbs does he see?  What actions can he do instead of worrying?
3. Brainstorm together.  Come up with some ways that he can implement the three solutions (prayer, thanksgiving and request).  Here are some suggested activities:

• Create a tiny phone receiver out of oven-bake clay.  Bake until hard.  Have your child keep it in his pocket as a reminder that God is always available and willing to listen.
• Create a “thankful tree.” Cut a small branch from a tree.  Cut out blank leaves from card stock and add a hole with a hole punch. Every time your child faces a worry, have him write one thing he is thankful for on a leaf and hang it on the tree with some butchers twine.
• Create a prayer journal. As your child struggles with worry, help him write down specific prayer requests that will help him address his specific worries (ex: help me to remember to sing a Christian song as I wait for the bus).  Then look for ways that God will answer those prayers.

For many children (and adults) worry is a life-long struggle; a battle between flesh and spirit.  Helping your children to develop godly coping skills early on will give them the resources they need to win their war on worry.

If you happen to struggle in this area, I highly recommend you check out www.overcomepanic.com.  It is a great and godly resource for Christians who struggle with worry.

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

Mark 4:35-41

Do you ever feel that your life is like that little boat in the storm?  Tossed around by the waves, ready to capsize at any moment.  Where is Jesus?  Why would He leave me to suffer like this?   Maybe you even get mad at God, like the disciples did, shouting, “Don’t you even care about me at all?” The trials and struggles in our lives have a way of making us desperate.  Desperate for relief.  We want Jesus to take it all away.  We want Jesus to calm the storm.  But like those disciples in that wave-battered boat, we miss the comfort that was right there with us all along.

Let’s look at this scene with different eyes, shall we?

First of all, the trip across the sea was Jesus’ idea.  Look back in the passage.  It says, “he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.”  He wanted them to go through that storm.  He had a purpose and a plan.  Getting around the storm was not His plan.  Going through it was.  If we truly believe that God is in charge of every aspect of our lives, past, present, future, we can trust that whatever storm we are in the midst of, He put us there.

Secondly, Jesus never left them.  He was always there. He was asleep, but the Bible says that God doesn’t slumber nor sleep.  Did we really think that Jesus didn’t know what was happening as He dozed in the back of the boat?  Of course not.  He knows everything.  And He is always there.  We may feel that He is absent or sleeping, but He is not.

Finally, I want you to think of this:  if a little child was on that boat, what do you think he would have done?  When they are scared, children run to safety. They cling to their mother’s legs; they bury their faces in their dad’s chest.  I have a sense that a scared little child on that boat would have curled up right next to Jesus.  The Bible reports that He had to tell his disciples “don’t hinder the little children from coming to me.” They were drawn to Him.  They clung to Him.  They knew He was safe.  Instead of shouting at Jesus to wake up or accusing Him of not caring, a little child would have snuggled up right next to Him – the safest place on that boat.

During the storms of our lives, there is a tendency to shout out in anger or wallow in perceived feelings of abandonment.  We forget what the disciples forgot:  God is in our boat.  GOD.  The maker of heaven and earth.  Nothing is impossible to Him.  Nothing is too complicated for Him.  Nothing is out of His control.  Instead, we simply need to curl up next to Jesus, cling to Him and ride out the storm.

There is a temptation when reading Scripture to focus on finding out what the passages might say about us when in fact we should be searching for what the passage says about Jesus.  The Bible is not our story; it is His story.  We need to search the Scriptures for what we can learn about Him.  From this passage, we can see that Jesus never leaves us, Jesus is God, He is in control of the good and the bad, and His comfort and protection is all we ever really need.

Is Jesus asleep in your boat?  Go cling to Him.  It’s the safest place you’ll find.

Rules are an important element of your parenting plan.  We’ve talked before about having set family rules that are grounded in your family’s values. But rules alone are not enough.  If you focus all your parenting energies on rule-following, you might be able to change your child’s outward behavior, but you will likely have little effect on the underlying condition of his heart.  Furthermore, focusing only on the “do’s and don’ts” can lead to a legalistic family environment. As Christian parents, we need to go one step further by spending time engaging our children in training activities that will address their particular areas of weakness and struggle.  Here are some things to consider as you seek to go beyond the rules in your home:

• Your training activities should aim to “flesh out” your posted family rules (here are some ideas for family rules).  This will allow your children to get invaluable practice translating their head knowledge about a rule into a transformed heart attitude.
• Don’t focus on more than one rule-based training activity at a time.
• Training activities should be time-specific, task-oriented and (hopefully!) fun.
• Your training efforts should enhance your relationship with your child, not strain it.

Here are some examples:

#1)   Surface problem: Child has difficulty sharing.

Underlying heart problem: Selfishness

Biblically-based value: Be generous with other people. “Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.” 1 Timothy 6:18

Corresponding rule:  Do not grab things out of other people’s hands.

Training activity:  Create a “giving jar” to help make giving more fun than taking.  With your kids’ help, cut slips of paper and write down different ways to give to others during the day on each one (examples include: give someone a snack of their choice, give someone a hug or a kiss, give a toy to someone for the day, let someone go first, let someone have the bigger piece, etc).  Each morning, everyone in the family picks a slip out of a jar that contains a task to be completed by the end of the day.  At dinner time, everyone can share some details about their “giving event” and how those activities help to fulfill the command in 1 Timothy 6:18.

Also, you can check out another idea for an “other-oriented” family activity here.

#2)   Surface problem: Child doesn’t listen the first time.

Underlying heart problem: Pride

Biblically- based value: Obey parents.  “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Ephesians 6:1

Corresponding rule: Obey the first time an instruction is given.

Training activities:  Play Simon Says.  Explain to your children that you can only win at Simon Says if you listen and do what the leader says.  Doing your own thing or waiting to respond will cause you to be “out.”  You can also explain that disobeying Mom and Dad, also causes children to be “out” of the circle of blessing.

Here’s another idea:  make a simple cake together (one that you have made before). Instead of following the instructions, tell the kids that you are going to do what you want to do.  Mix the ingredients out of order, substitute some ingredients or change the quantities.  If your children object, ask them to point out the problems they see.  Ask them why it matters.  Bake the cake and see how it comes out.  Taste it (if you dare!) and compare the flavor to previous cakes.  Tie in the importance of following instructions as they are given and how the poor results of the cake “made my own way” demonstrate that obeying is always right (as in Ephesians 6:1).

After these training episodes on first time obedience, you can add this phrase to the instructions you give your child, “Now is a chance for you to practice obeying the first time.”

Christian parenting must go beyond just saying “no.”  We need to address misbehaviors with consequences as they happen, but also we need to go one step further by incorporating training activities with our kids that will help make an impression as to the importance of that rule.  When our children can see the rules in action, there is a special connection that happens in their hearts.  And of course, every time we see our children demonstrating Christ-like behavior, we need to make an effort to point it out.

What do you say?

Say ‘thank you.”

These phrases are uttered in sing-song voices by parents around the country.  We all want our children to be thankful and polite, but are our current methods effective?  In our previous post, we addressed the fact that children can be taught empathy.  Today we will look at some tips on how to teach our children to say thank you without the use of excessive prompts or reminders.

Start young.  Even babies can learn to say thank you with the use of baby signs.  Whenever your little one hands you something, smile and say ‘thank you!” while placing the tips of your fingers in front of your lips and then extending your hand downward.  You can check out a simple demonstration here.  When your baby begins to use such signs (or their own attempt at a verbal thank you), encourage her with smiles and hugs, recognizing her use of good manners.  Your enthusiastic response will encourage her to continue with this practice.

Be a good role model.  If we want our children to say thank you, we need to make sure that we are doing it ourselves.  We can get in the habit of giving instructions or commands to our kids and forget the importance of these two little kind and thoughtful words.  We can encourage our children to be thankful by simply remembering to say “thank you” for a completed task.  Along the same lines, many parents have their children send thank you cards for gifts.  This is a wonderful practice – for kids and grown-ups alike.  If it has been a while since you have sent a note of thanks to someone in your life, take some time to do that this week.  You will be cultivating a heart of gratitude within yourself and providing an excellent example to your children.

Master the hand-off.  You can teach your children gratitude “in vivo” – right when it happens – without having to prompt them to do so after the fact.  The next time you hand your child something, don’t complete the hand off until you hear a “thank you.”  When he looks up at you quizzically, wondering why you have not let go, you can say, “When something is handed to you, it is polite to say ‘thank you’.”  The next time, you will likely only have to raise your eyebrows before he remembers to say thanks.  The more frequently you practice this, the more readily this response will become a habit.

More than words.  A thank you out of habit or courtesy is good.  A thank you that comes from the heart is better.  Anyone can say the words, but a truly grateful heart will not just utter, but show, thanks.  To help your children connect their hearts to their words, point out whenever you see thanks in action around you.  Here are some examples:

• “When you clear your place like that, it feels like a ‘thank you’ for dinner.”
• “I am doing the shopping for Mrs. Smith, because I was so thankful when someone shopped for me when I was sick.”
• “I see a thankful heart in you when you put your brother’s toys back when you are done playing with them.”

Make a list and check it twice.  It is hard to be thankful if all you can see is what you lack.  Help your children recognize all that they have by making a list of thanks together.  This should be a very big list.  If they have trouble coming up with ideas, simply instruct them to look around- blessings abound.  Keep this list handy or posted publicly, to remind everyone that “thank you’s” should come easily as there is quite a bit for which to be thankful.

Study Scripture on the topic of thanks.  Here are some wonderful Scriptures on the topic of thanksgiving.  Meditating on God’s word is a wonderful way to allow thanks to penetrate our hearts.

1 Chronicles 16:34
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Psalm 107:8
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men,

1 Corinthians 15:57
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Colossians 3:15 - 17
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

What do you do in your family to ensure that your children develop an “attitude of gratitude”?

Teach them feeling words.  It is very difficult to understand how others feel if the only feelings you can identify are happy and sad.  You can find a fabulous resource here for teaching your children different feeling states.  There are products for purchase as well as free downloads.  Make sure that you are using “feelings language” when you talk to them.  Instead of saying “mad,” try “enraged” or “furious.” Not only will they get a vocab lesson, but you will be helping them to see the world in different shades, not just black and white.

Put on your own empathy glasses.  Point out emotions when you see them around you.  If you see a toddler screaming in the grocery store, you can simply say, “He seems really angry. Can you remember a time when you were that angry?”  Asking this type of question will help your child begin to connect his internal feelings states with what he sees demonstrated in others.

Read books with a new focus.  If you are trying to teach your children empathy, don’t just read to read, read with a purpose.  Children’s books are filled with images and imagery that demonstrate a wide range of emotions.  Ask your child to identify how the different characters are feeling.  Ask probing questions like, “Why do you think he feels that way?” and “What about his face or body tells you his feelings in this picture?”

Read Scriptures about empathy.  Jesus was the Master of empathy.  He was able to instantly connect with and understand the heart of the person or people with whom He was conversing.  People who met him felt understood and loved.  Remember His reaction to the mourners at the grave of His dear friend Lazarus?  Here are some Bible verses about empathy:

Matthew 9:6: “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”

Matthew 15:32: “Jesus called his disciples to him and said, ‘I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on the way.’”

Philippians 2:3:“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,”

1 Peter 3:8: “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”

Matthew 7:12: “ So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

Put it into practice.  Once your child is armed with all of this information and insight, you will need to help him put it into practice.  When he comes home from school and tells you of his day, ask him to speculate as to how others in his story were feeling during the events in question.  When he squabbles with his little brother, take him aside and ask how he thinks his brother is feeling.  Ask him to examine facial expressions and body language as clues.  Reference some pictures of feelings faces if you have them.  These kinds of activities and reminders will help your child begin to develop eyes that can see the feelings of those around him.

Remember, the goal of these exercises is not to simply give your child head knowledge or to teach him to act empathetic.  The goal is a transformed heart; one that truly engages in and seeks to understand the feelings of others.  Whenever you see your child demonstrating empathy in some way, you can say, “I can see Jesus in you when you treat others that way.”